


Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

by badwolfkaily



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Out of Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-17
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-07 05:41:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5445335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badwolfkaily/pseuds/badwolfkaily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You can erase someone from your mind. Getting them out of your heart is another story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some lines from the movie I did add in because I thought they were just so good. I tried to keep some of Root and Shaw's traits the same but they are a little out of character.

It’s winter in New York, Root is sleeping alone in a bed that always feels too big for her. Too cold and lonely. Slowly opening her eyes to a painfully dull ceiling, the sound of a car door thudding open outside almost like they hit the car next to them and then the car door is heard closing. Root sighs, not one of those having to wake up too tired for the day sighs, but the too exhausted and sad to deal with life sighs. But she rises, kicks the blankets off of her and drags herself from the bed. Today is a day for straight up black coffee and nothing else. She dresses and brushes her teeth like the same routine everyday, like there isn’t going to be anything special about this day. It’ll just be like yesterday and the day before, though her head is kind of bugging her but she’s pretty sure she didn’t drink last night….right?

She goes to her car and sure enough it’s just her luck that it was her car that she heard earlier getting hit by the car next to her. A giant scratch down the side of her driver side door. This is already turning out to be a great day. So she writes a ‘thank you’ note and throws it in the windshield wiper of the car next to her and sighs, perhaps she’ll just take the subway today instead of driving all the way to work. As she drives there something seems off, like today is supposed to be some sort of special day, but she can’t quite remember what it should be. After she parks her car on the street outside the train station she finds herself standing on the platform and see’s men with roses and then it finally hits her, it’s freaking Valentine’s Day. Never needed the day, the only valentine she ever got was from her friend Hanna and her mother. But they’re both gone now and she’s had men and women come and go throughout her life and she’s just never really gotten that attached to any of them. They’re not Hanna or mom.

Saint Valentine who? Valentine’s Day is just some stupid holiday invented by greeting card companies to make you feel like crap. Root stands there, so tired of the day already, staring at the empty tracks in front of her. She gets antsy and that’s when she’s had enough, she’s ditching work today. So she decides to take a train to Montauk, she’s not sure why but she feels this urge to just go there. She makes a quick call to her work and tells them she got food poisoning, of course they’re going to believe it because she always shows up for work.

Here she finds herself walking down a beach in Montauk, it’s snowing and she’s completely forgotten she’s had a briefcase in her hand this whole time. What the hell is she doing here? Great, Root. The waves seem sad today, violently sad. But it’s winter and she’s stupidly sitting on the steps of a beach house in Montauk, today is a sad day. She pulls a journal from her briefcase and flips through it, past drawings and poems to an empty page, noticing a page has been ripped out and she can’t remember ripping it out. She jots down some words before they escape her, doodles a picture of the beach. She stops and just looks out at the waves, sighing she throws her journal back into her briefcase and walks out to greet the waves, they’re licking at her boots. Boots that are now filled with sand. Sand is overrated anyways, it’s just tiny rocks.

She casually smiles at a tiny brunette in a black hoodie walking along the beach, hair dyed blue. Hmmm, that’s different. But Root can never make eye contact with anyone, they say the eyes are the windows to the soul. She can’t handle that intimacy with a mere stranger just yet. She finds herself at a diner and orders a cup of coffee and while she waits she pulls out her journal of sorts, filled with drawings and poetry and everyday things that happen to her. Things she asks herself, things she wants to remember. Looking up from her lonely little seat by the window she sees the same blue haired woman from the beach, sneaking a very tiny bottle of what Root can only assume is alcohol and pouring it into her coffee.

Their eyes meet and the tiny blue haired woman raises her glasses and smirks, taking a sip. Which makes Root nervous as she quickly smiles and goes back to her journal. She thinks for a minute, chuckles, and then writes.

Why do I fall in love with every woman I see...who shows me the least bit of attention?

She’s given her cup of coffee and Root just smiles at the waitress as she sips her own cup of coffee. Briefly glimpsing at the woman across the room who is now so caught up in devouring the plate of food in front of her that it’s like Root never existed in the first place. She smiles at that irony of that, back to her coffee and journal.

After Root finishes her coffee she pays and makes her way back to the train station, briefcase in hand. There’s a lonely melancholy about her today but she’s definitely not kicking herself for ditching work. The barren train station, if you can call it that, is just Root. The sad everyday sign reading, Montauk, sits in the background. Root just stands there sighing as she kicks a rock with her boot. Looking up she spots that same woman that it seems she’s spent the whole day with, sort of, same places but no words exchanged.

Root walks to the opposite side of the platform trying to ignore the woman in her hoodie as she glares from the end of the platform and peaks over at Root. And Root just tries to nonchalantly act as if she hasn’t noticed her presence and is just casually waiting for the train. But the woman waves at her and Root shyly waves back and looks at the ground. The sound of the train in the distance her sweet release. Waiting for the train to finally settle is making her antsy. The moment the doors open Root rushes in and settles herself in the second to last seat in the back of the cabin and the blue haired woman chooses a seat a few in front of her and glares. As soon as all the passengers are loaded or released the train makes its sleepy little journey back in the opposite direction. Her journal open in her lap. And Root just wants to fall asleep as the train begins to lull her but there’s that glare from across the cabin boring into her.

“Hey,” comes from the tiny blue haired woman as she does a little two finger salute off the top of her head.

“Uh, hi,” Root just gives a tiny wave back and gulps as the woman gets up and makes her way towards her.

“Where you headed?” the woman sits in the seat in front of her, her arms resting on the back of the chair.

“Um, to the Rockville Center.”

“What a coincidence, so am I.” she pauses and smirks, “Do I know you?”

“I don’t think so,” Root smiles nervously.

The woman narrows her gaze and glares, “Do you ever shop at Barnes & Noble?”

Root smirks a kind of ‘yeah doesn’t everyone’ type of smirk, “Yeah, on occasion.”

“Then that’s probably where I’ve seen you, I’ve worked there for about five years now.”

“No, I think I would’ve remembered you.”

“That might be because my hair changes every so often, right now it might be blue but I tend to change it up a bit. Blue one week, orange the next.”

“Oh, okay, well then maybe.”

“People tend to say I don’t express my emotions very well, so I express myself through my hair and well my occasional episode of beating up some creep who won’t leave me alone.”

“I’m sure that’s not true, the expressing emotions very well part, not the--the beating up of creeps part,” Root just awkwardly stumbles through her words.

“You don’t know me, so...you don’t know, do you?”

Root suddenly wishes that she was alone right now and not spewing garbage at this beautiful woman who is for some reason talking to her. She doesn’t even seem to like people that much, why is she even talking to her?

Shaking her head bashfully Root just manages a, “No. I was just trying to be nice.”

“I got that,” for a minute they sit in awkward silence and then she turns back to Root and extends her hand for a handshake, “My names Sameen Shaw. But you can call me Shaw.”

Root flinches at the softness of Shaw’s hand as she shakes it, “Samantha Groves. But you can call me Root.”

“Root? Do I even want to know where that name came from?”

“It just has to deal with computers, I’ll leave it at that. But your name…”

“What about my name?” Shaw just glares.

“It means precious, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah so? It hardly fits. Truth be told I’m quite the vindictive little bitch.”

Root just giggles at the smirk on Shaw’s face, “I wouldn’t think that about you.”

“Really why?”

“Well, you just don’t seem like you are, you seem nice.”

Shaw stands and walks around to the seat next to Root, “Oh, now I’m the nice one? Don’t you know any other adjectives? I don’t need myself to be it and I don’t need anyone to be nice at me.”

“I get it, I’m sorry.”

They just sit in silence for an awkward amount of time until Shaw looks over and sighs, “I’m...sorry. I’m a little out of sorts today. I sometimes don’t know what I’m going to like from one minute to the next but I guess I like your ‘nice’ right now.”

Root blushes and stares back out the window and then to the journal in her hand, “Well, I should really get back to my writing.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Shaw gets up and goes back to her seat.

Root is finally able to breath a sigh of relief and goes back to her journal, not sure what she was even going to write before and just rests her head against the glass. And suddenly smiling to herself she kind of wishes that the train ride would never end.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Root and Shaw's love story continues.

Once the train gets back home Root gathers her things and slips off the train, a bittersweet smile etched across her face. Glancing back at the train doors hoping that maybe Shaw might appear in them.

 

Not sure why but she’s caught Root’s eye.

 

Getting back to her car she throws her stuff in the back seat and monotonically finds herself going on the same route, same boring route, back home. It’s night and it’s cold and there’s a small woman in a black hoodie walking down the sidewalk.

 

_Sameen Shaw?_

 

Root slows down and reaches over to roll her passenger side window down, “Hey, I could give you a ride if you need?”

 

Shaw’s got her hands in her pockets, locks of hair falling out of her ponytail and into her face. And Shaw just stares at her with a look so difficult for Root to read that she almost feels like she said something wrong.

 

But Shaw contemplates it, looking to the sidewalk laid out in front of her and then back to Root waiting patiently in her car.

 

“Sure, yeah, whatever. It’s cold out.”

 

Hopping into the car Shaw slings her backpack onto the floor totally dismissing her seat belt.

 

“So are you stalking me or something?”

 

“I’m not a stalker. Are you sure you’re not stalking me? Aren’t you the one that talked to me first?”

 

“You do realize that’s the oldest trick in the stalker handbook.”

 

Root smirks glancing over at Shaw, “Really? There’s a stalker book?”

 

Shaw just grunts a confirmation of a yes and if you look hard enough there’s a light smile etched on her face.

 

“Okay. Well, I need to read that one.”

 

And Root just smiles as silence settles between the two, Shaw’s got her hand gripping the window frame of the car, cold air blowing at her hair.

 

“I’m sorry if I came off kind of screwy earlier. I’m not really.”

 

Root shakes her head as she watches the road and awkwardly smiles, “It’s okay, I didn’t think you were.”

 

Shaw just nods and stares out the window as they drive in silence. It’s not long before Root pulls up in front of Shaw’s apartment complex and Shaw’s grabbing her backpack, stepping out of the car, and before she closes the car door she’s impulsively inviting Root up for a drink. And Root just stares at her like a deer caught in the headlights. Which is making Shaw feel extremely awkward and why the fuck did she just invite this woman up for a drink?

 

“You know what, never mind.”

 

But all Root knows is that she doesn’t want Shaw to leave yet, so she’s shaking her head and hurriedly saying, “No, no, no, no.”

 

And the next thing she knows she’s parking her car in the most difficult parallel parking spot and shuffling up the flight of stairs to Shaw’s apartment. It’s quaint, she didn’t expect her to be an artist too. She’s got an easel in the corner, although the apartment is a little bare. Shaw goes straight to making them drinks as Root sits down on the couch and takes the place in. You can learn a lot from someone by just soaking in the surroundings in their apartment.

 

Shaw brings out two glasses offering one over to Root, “Here, drink up, it’ll make the whole seduction part of this less repugnant.”

 

Root stills with wide eyes and Shaw is thoroughly amused because she’s shaking her head and laughs.

 

“I’m kidding.”

 

Smiling Root kind of nods and accepts the joke sitting further back on the couch and taking a sip of her drink. It’s sweet, blue, and burns all the way down. Shaw sits on the other side of the couch and drinks her own drink. Completely unaffected by their many awkward silences, or rather Root just sits there awkwardly because she doesn’t know what to say.

 

Shaw looks over and sips her drink, thinking of something to say to break the silence, but she’s not very good at this stuff either, “You don’t talk much do you?”

 

Root’s avoiding eye contact as she speaks up, “I’m sorry, it’s just that my life isn’t that interesting. I go to work. I come home. There’s not much to say. I mean you should see my journal. Well, it’s blank….”

 

“Really? Does that make you sad or anxious? Cuz I’m always making sure I’m living my life to the fullest, as cliche as that sounds. Life’s too short. I don’t care what anybody thinks. I do what I want, whenever I want.”

Root takes a sip of her drink and then they just laugh, a good laugh, not an awkward laugh. They’re both so different and yet so alike. The alcohol is making Root a little more relaxed and of course Shaw is comfortable, it’s her place.

 

“You know, Root, you should come with me up to the Charles sometime. It’s frozen this time of year.”

 

“Sounds scary.”

 

“Exactly.”

 

“We’ll bring food. Food’s good. Like a night picnic or something.”

 

Root begins to panic and thinks she should probably leave now as she sets her cup down, “I should probably leave, I’ve got to get up early.”

 

“Suit yourself.”

 

Root grabs her jacket and as she’s about to make her way towards the door Shaw grabs her by the wrist, “Here, call me sometime,” and begins writing her number down on the back of Root’s hand.

 

Root shivers at how smooth Shaw’s hands are and so warm, so warm compared to her cold hands. It’s like electricity shooting through Shaw and into her. She’s never felt anything like this before.

 

Once Root is outside and walking towards her car she turns at the sound of Shaw throwing her window open and yelling down to her, “Wish me a happy Valentine’s Day when you call, or something mushy like that. That’d be nice.”

 

And Root just smiles up at her, hands in her pockets and as she walks to her car she can’t help but keep glancing back at Shaw whose smirking at her and taking a swig of her drink from earlier.

 

Root can’t even remember her drive home because all her thoughts were laced with Shaw. She can’t get this strange woman out of her head. Root’s sitting in her living, contemplating something before she picks up the phone and dials the number on the back of her hand.

 

The line picks up and Shaw’s voice chimes through slightly annoyed but happy tone, “What took you so long?”

 

“I just walked in.”

 

And Root is smiling and biting her lip and she feel’s like a teenager talking on the phone to her newest crush.

 

“I hope you didn’t miss me too much.”

 

“Oddly enough I did.”

 

Shaw chuckles through the phone and it’s different and beautiful at the same time to Root’s ears and it makes her heart skip a beat.

 

“So how about tomorrow night? Picnic on ice?”

 

Root nods her head and smiles into the phone, ”Sure. Yeah, yes, I’d like that.”

 

And Root really couldn’t wish hard enough for tomorrow night to come already.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> blessed are the forgetful

It was cold, it was really really cold. It was night time and it was freezing cold. And Root was amazed that she came all the way out here with Shaw, a woman she barely knew yet was so drawn towards. They tracked through a lot of snow to get here, to this frozen lake. Stepping out onto the ice with her skinny legs Root gave a nervous laugh.

 

“I don’t know about this.”

 

Amusement written all over Shaw’s face she reached a hand out to steady Root, “Come on, it’s really solid this time of year.”

 

The pair wobbled across the frozen lake, Root more so than Shaw, like Shaw came here all the time. But once Root really got her bearings she marveled at how white everything was, the car lights in the far off driving by like little winter fireflies. It was so quiet and calm and beautiful.

 

“Wow. This is really beautiful.”

 

Taking that as her cue Shaw did a little run and slide as Root hollered at her to not go too far. Shaw gave a laugh of enjoyment when she landed hard on the ice, Root running after her.

 

“Are you okay!?”

 

“Ouch, fuck it! My ass, that one hurt.”

 

Helping her to her feet Shaw winced at her cold backside a still shocked Root staring at her.

 

“Maybe we should go back?”

 

“No, no, come on, I want to show you something.”

 

Shaw grabbed Root’s hand and led her further out, finally laying down on the ice and looking up at the sky, Root peering down at her with apprehension.

 

“Come on, get down here idiot.”

 

Root hesitated as she looked around and joined Shaw on the ice just sitting there a moment, “I think I heard a crack.”

 

Shaw laughed at Root’s ridiculousness, “It’s not going to crack or break, it’s so thick.”

 

Finally grabbing Root’s arm and pulling her the rest of the way down so they can both look up at the sky. They were almost in the middle of nowhere, laying on a frozen lake that could break at any minute, stargazing after only meeting each other yesterday.

 

“So, tell me which constellations you know, Root?”

 

“I uh, don’t really know any.”

 

“Bullshit, tell me what constellations you know.”

 

Clearing her throat Root thought about it for a moment and smiled as she pointed up, “Okay, that’s Osidius the Empathetic.”

 

“What, where?”

 

“Right there, it’s like a swoop and a cross.”

 

Shaw just laughed and hit Root’s shoulder, “You are so full of shit!”

 

Root giggled back, “No really it’s right there.”

 

Shaw again swat at Root and laughed, “Shut the fuck up!”

 

They settled down for awhile after that just looking up at the sky, drenched in the quiet except for their breathing. Root snuck a glance at Shaw and marveled at how comfortable she was beginning to feel around this crazy woman that she had only just met. But it felt like maybe they had known each other in a past life or something. Like something was tugging at her towards this woman like magnets.

 

When the ice began to numb their backsides they made their way back to Root’s car and Root drove them back home on the scenic route. The sun had set and Shaw had fallen asleep covered in an extra jacket Root had managed to throw over her at some point. Pulling up in front of Shaw’s apartment she looked over at the sleeping soundly Shaw and marveled at how peaceful she was asleep. Reaching out Root wanted to put a fallen strand of hair behind Shaw’s ear but thought better of it. Instead lightly tapped her on the cheek, “Sameen. Hey, wake up.”

 

Startling awake Shaw grabbed Root’s hand and quickly let it go, “Hey.”

 

“Hey. Sorry to wake you.”

 

Looking around and realizing where she was Shaw yawned, “Can I come to your house...to sleep? I’m so tired.”

 

Root knew she should feel like that was rushing things but sure yeah what the hell, “Uh, sure, yeah.”

 

“Let me get my toothbrush.”

 

Leaning over Root opened the door for her, Shaw slammed the door and just looked back at her before running off to her apartment. Sitting back Root tried to rest her eyes for a minute but quickly threw her them open at the sound of someone knocking on her window. A tall man looked down at her through the window, rolling it down she squinted up at him, “Uh, yeah?”

 

“Can I help you with something? What are you doing here?”

 

The man had a spanish accent, lean build, but not entirely intimidating. Root looked at him questioningly, “Uh, what do you mean, I’m not really sure what you’re asking me?”

 

The guy muttered something and walked off leaving Root incredibly confused, she rolled up her window and just stared out the window.

 

Root had no idea that things were just about to get confusing.

 

~*~

 

Imagine if you will that this is the part where you don’t know whether it’s in the future or in the past, because it’ll all become clear soon.

 

It’s nighttime and it’s raining hard, the city lights are blurred through Root’s car window as she drives they remind her of christmas lights. Beck’s “Everybody’s Got To Learn Sometime” plays on a cassette tape in Root’s radio and she’s crying. She wasn’t sure how they had ended up like this. Her hands shook as they gripped at the steering wheel. Finally parking outside of her apartment building she wiped away her tears and grabbed the case of alcohol she had just gone to buy. Slamming her car door she walked along the sidewalk towards her apartment building a white van pulling up to follow her, she could hear mumbling going on as a man waved at her.

 

But it didn’t quite catch her attention.

 

“Is that her?”

 

“Yeah, she’s the one.”

 

The one driving the van pulled up to the sidewalk and parked watching Root walk into her apartment building.

 

Root set her bag down and reached for her keys to check for her mail, a fellow tenant sliding up to her to do the same, “Geez, the only times I get Valentine’s Day cards are from my mother. Pathetic huh? You’re lucky you have Shaw, she’s so cool. You make any special plans?”

 

Trying to hide her immediate need to be left alone and hoping her burning eyes didn’t give away she had been crying prior Root just shook her head, “Nope, not really.”

 

Root looked down at an envelope marked from Lacuna Inc. she’d been waiting for this to arrive.

 

“Really nothing?”

 

Walking away down the hall towards her apartment door, “I have to go to bed now.”

 

“It’s only 8:30!”

 

“Goodnight!” 

 

Slamming her front door Root threw her mail on the table and went to change for bed, coming back to her pile of mail Root ripped open the Lacuna Inc. envelope. Finding a bottle of pills Root took two as she read all the directions. Standing Root went over to the window and looked out at the van parked across the street, eyeing it cautiously she shut her blinds. The pills must be kicking in because as she walks into the kitchen to turn the light off she nearly crashes into the wall.

 

“Oh, okay, okay.”

 

Root reached over and shut the light off and made her way to her bed. Which signaled to the guys outside, “Alright, showtime at the Apollo.”

 

Hopping out of the van the two men rushed to open the back doors to pull out a bunch of equipment. Which they tried to quietly but failingly drag into Root’s apartment building and into her apartment which she had indeed kept unlocked for the two men.

 

After tonight, there wouldn’t be a need for her to cry anymore. After tonight all memories of one Sameen Shaw would be erased from her mind.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We want you to empty your life of Sameen....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I know this is going to be really confusing and jumping around a lot but it's meant to be confusing. You're jumping through Root's memories and back to reality. If you haven't seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind I suggest you see it, it's on Netflix and it's one of my all time favorite movies. It might help you better understand whats going on in the story too.

Root remembers, she remembers talking to her neighbor just an hour ago, but it blurs and rewinds and she just is. Now she remembers speaking to some friends, John and Zoe, she’s holding a box with a Valentine’s Day present in it she had bought for Shaw.

 

“I thought I’d show up at her work, surprise her with an early Valentine’s Day gift. And she’s there speaking to this guy and she looks at me like she has no idea who I am.”

 

Flashback to Root standing at the help desk in the bookstore that Shaw works at and staring at a Shaw that looks right through her, like she’s just another boring customer bothering her. Shaw just tells her to let her know if she needs help with anything before you hear some guy call to the tiny brunette. Shaw smiles and lets the guy kiss her. Hurting Root in so many ways, tears in her eyes, she just walks off. Back into the memory of her friends living room.

 

Sitting down on the steps that lead up to their second floor Root holds the box in her hand, “Why would she do something like this to me? Maybe I should go to her house.”

 

John’s just sitting there awkwardly thinking about it, “No, no, you shouldn’t.”

 

“Right, I don’t want to seem too desperate.”

 

Zoe clears her throat and speaks up, “Maybe you should just take this as a sign for a clean break.”

 

John reaches into a desk drawer and pulls out an envelope, “Okay, Root, here’s the thing.”

 

“John, what are you doing? Stop, don’t do this,” Zoe’s reaching over trying to grab the envelope from John as Root just looks on confused.

 

“What would you have me do Zoe? Root’s a grown woman, she has the right to know, she can handle it.”

 

Angry, Zoe just storms off up the stairs leaving Root and John in awkward silence, Reese holds out the envelope to Root who quickly snatches it from his grasp. Opening the envelope she pulls out a card that says, “Sameen Shaw has had Root erased from her memory. Please never mention their relationship to her again. Thank you. Lacuna Inc.”

 

 

And Root just stares at it until Sameen Shaw disappears from the card. The next day Root finds herself at Lacuna Inc. walking up to the front desk as the receptionist is on the phone answering questions meanwhile sticking address labels to a pile of brown envelopes similar to the one John handed her last night.  Root calmly waits until the receptionist hangs up and smiles up at Root, “Can I help you with something?”

 

She quietly says her name to the receptionist causing the receptionist to ask her for it again, Root explains how she’s there for an appointment with the doctor but all she gets is a smile and a clipboard with a form she must fill out to see the doctor regardless of whether or not she has an appointment. It only takes Root five minutes to fill it out and another fifteen minutes until the doctor will actually see her.

 

She finds herself sitting in the doctor’s office, a clearly upset look on her face as the doctor reads the card in his hands, “I’m deeply sorry, you shouldn’t have seen this.”

 

“This is all a hoax right, just some joke that Sam….?”

 

The doctor shakes his head, “I assure you, no.”

 

The receptionist smiles sadly and shakes her head no as well, smiling at the doctor as she leaves. Some sort of untold story going on there that Root just doesn’t care about.

 

“How is this even possible?”

 

“I’m sorry, our files are confidential so I can’t show you any evidence. Suffice it to say, Miss Shaw wasn’t happy and she wanted to move on. We provide that possibility.”

 

Root nevertheless leaves the doctor’s office more upset than when she originally got there. Immediately going to John and Zoe’s house, where of course they’re always arguing with each other. Root repeats to them what the doctor told her about Shaw not being happy.

 

“Well, you know Root that’s just how Shaw is, she’s always been impulsive, she decided to erase you almost as a lark.”

 

Root scoffs, “A lark.”

 

Hours later Root finds herself in her car, hitting the steering wheel as she cries, “Why, why, why!?”

 

The next day Root is bursting into the doctor’s office, the receptionist trying to stop her from reaching the doctor. “I’m sorry doctor, I told her that Valentine’s Day is our busiest time. There are other people waiting.”

 

“That’s quite alright, Mary. Miss Root you can come in.”

 

Root’s already sitting herself down when the doctor scoots behind his desk, “First things first Miss Root. I’m going to need you to go home and collect everything you own that has some association with Sameen Shaw. Anything.  We’ll use these items to create a map of Sameen in your brain, okay? So we’ll need uh, photos, clothing, gifts. Books she may have bought you, CD’s you may have bought together, journal entries. We want you to empty your home. We want you to empty your life of Sameen. And after mapping is done, our technicians will do erasing in your home tonight. That way when you wake up in the morning you’ll find yourself in your own bed as if nothing had ever happened--a new life awaiting you.”

 

Root nods her head and leaves the doctor’s office with a heavy heart and on a mission to remove everything from her apartment that ever reminded her of Sameen. She grabs a garbage bag and grabs everything, her journals, her drawings, books, pictures. That Valentine’s Day gift she bought. A few of Shaw’s hoodies, everything that reminded her of them. Stuffing them into two black garbage bags that will disappear from her life forever. The next day Root is back at the doctor’s office, shuffling into a chair with bags in hand. A woman on one side of her with tears in her eyes holding a dog bowl. And a man on her other side holding a bowling trophy.

 

The receptionist is on the phone as usual, “Well, I’m sorry we just can’t erase your memories three times in one month. Well that’s just our policy,” looking up from the phone she smiles at Root, “How are we today Root?”

 

And Root just shrugs her shoulders as the receptionist goes back to the phone. The doctor comes out, “Root? Come with me.”

 

Root drags the bags with her and follows the doctor down the hall, “February is our busiest time of the year because of Valentine’s Day,” he chuckles at that and opens one of the exam rooms where you find one of his fellow doctors working with another patient.

 

“This is Stan Fink, he’ll be working your case tonight.”

 

“It’s great to meet you Root.”

 

Root just nods and they’re moving on to the doctor’s office, setting the bags down they get started right away. A voice recorder is set out on the desk table and Root begins, “My name is Root and I’m here to erase Sameen Shaw.”

 

“Very good, now tell me about Sameen.”

 

“I, uh, was living with this woman, Hanna a few years ago. And our friends John and Zoe invited us to go to this party at the beach. I don’t like parties. Hanna couldn’t go, but I went and I met Sameen.”

 

“Let’s start with your more recent memories and work ourselves backwards from there more or less. There’s an emotional core to each of our memories and when you eradicate that core, it starts the degradation process. By the time you wake up in the morning all memories we have targeted will have withered and disappeared, as in a dream upon waking.”

 

“Is there any risk of brain damage?”

 

“Well, uh, technically speaking the procedure is brain damage. But it’s on a par of a heavy night of drinking.”

 

They run many tests on Root, checking blood pressure, sitting her in this chair that has this giant device that fits over her head that maps her brain. They hold up every item in the garbage bags that Root brought and she’s asked to react to them. One item after another.

 

“Just focus on the memories, Root.”

 

But technically speaking these are all just memories too. Root’s asleep in her bed, hooked up to this device that’s helping erase these memories. Stan and his assistant Tomas are there erasing each one.

 

“Hey, Tomas, can you do me a favor and check the voltage regulator?”

 

Tomas with his slight accent confirms that it’s running fine.

 

Stan stares at the screen, “Damn, I’m just not wiping as clean as I’d like to be.”

 

Meanwhile, back in Root’s mind she’s still in the doctor’s office being shown each of the items but she’s watching herself doing it all. Like this is the beginning of her walking through each one of her memories. Memories that will soon all be erased. She just didn’t realize that pretty soon she was about to make the biggest mistake of her life.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This is the last time I saw you."

Root is very much aware of where she’s at, watching herself back in the doctor’s office before any of this started. And yet the doctor interacts with her like playing through the whole scenario again and she can repeat exactly what the doctor is about to say to her. 

 

“I’m in my head already aren’t I?”

 

Her doctor looks around and nods, “I suppose so, that’s right. This is probably what it’d look like.”

 

And Root just stares at herself sitting the chair from earlier where they’re mapping out her memories.

 

Back where the memories wipers are erasing Root’s memories as she sleep’s Stan sits staring at the computer screen in front of him as he watches, waits, and erases each memory of Root’s as it plays out. Tomas looks around because what more is there for the assistant of the memory wiper to do? 

 

“This place is kind of a dump. Well not really a dump but sort of plain. Uninspired you know?”

 

Stan just nods but is kind of preoccupied with Root’s sleeping form repeating one of their names. Because that’s not right, strange but nothing to worry about.

 

“Tomas can we please just focus and get through this? We’ve got a long night ahead of us, I don’t need your easily distracted ramblings right now.”

 

Tomas just nods as he continues to look around Root’s apartment.

 

Back in Root’s mind another memory plays out. Shaw comes through the door and Root whispers to herself as she’s replaying the memory.

 

“This is the last time I saw you.”

 

Shaw goes to the kitchen and turns the faucet on and leans down to take a sip from the running water. And Root is sitting in her favorite chair reading a book, clearly agitated as her index finger taps on her book. 

 

“It’s 3:00.”

 

Shaw slumps on the couch clearly intoxicated, “I kinda sorta wrecked your car.”

 

Root’s trying not to blow up at Shaw right then and there, she’s trying to remain calm as she tosses her book to her side, “Were you driving drunk? It’s pathetic.”

 

“I was a little tipsy. Don’t call me pathetic.”

“Well, it is pathetic, Sameen. You could’ve killed somebody!”

 

“Chill out, Root. You’re like some old lady.”

 

“Yeah, well, what are you like? A wino?”

 

And Shaw just laughs at the absurdity of that outdated word coming from Root’s angry mouth, “Face it, Root, you’re just upset because I was out late without you. And in that annoying brain of yours you’re trying to figure out did she fuck somebody?”

 

Root looks away and shifts in her seat, “No see, Sameen, I assume you did fuck someone tonight. Isn’t that how you get people to like you?”

 

Shaw sits and stares at her like perhaps she deserved that but that was a dick thing to say and so she just doesn’t say anything but stands and grabs her bag and heads for the door. Root following behind her with a rushed, “I’m sorry! Sameen, I didn’t mean it.”

 

Shaw’s got her things and is out the door and Root is running to try and catch up, running through the dark and empty hallway of the apartment building but Shaw is gone.

 

“Got it!” Stan smiles as he wipes that memory from Root’s mind.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders."

 

Tomas is busy straightening up the wires and cords and Stan speaks up, “Mary’s coming over tonight.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah. I just thought you’d like to know.”

 

Tomas straightens up, “I like Mary, I just don’t think she likes me very much. So maybe I should invite my girlfriend over, I have a girlfriend now.”

 

“Do whatever you want.”

 

“Did I tell you I have a girlfriend?”

 

Tomas pulls out some bottles of beer that they dragged along with him and hands Stan one, “We have to focus here Tomas.”

 

“The thing is, our situation is a little weird. My girlfriend situation.”

 

“I’m sure it is Tomas.”

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Root glares at the way Sam parked her car, right scratched up against a fire hydrant, so much so that she has to scramble from the passenger side of the car to get to the drivers side. Sam is half way down the street having abandoned Root’s car. Root starts the car and drives after Sam, slowing down once she’s caught up, “Sam, let me drive you home.”

 

“Get out of my face!”

 

A car randomly falls from the sky behind Sam as she walks, “Look at it out here, it’s all falling apart! I’m erasing you and I’m happy! You did it to me first! I can’t believe you did this to me. Goddamn it,” Root parks the car next to a curb and gets out and chases after Sam, “You hear me, Sam? By morning you’ll be gone! The perfect ending to this piece-of-shit story!”

 

But Root only ends up right back at her car where she parked it, she looks back the way she came and doesn’t see her car there, just Sam walking away. She can hear the guys who are erasing her memories chattering as their voices filter in through her memories.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Tomas says, “You remember that girl we did last week? The one with the potatoes?”

 

“That girl?”

 

“That’s this girl’s chick.”

 

“Was, we took care of that.”

 

Tomas takes a swig of his drink, “I kind of fell in love with her that night.”

 

“What? You little fuck--”

 

“What!?”

 

Stan just laughs, “She was unconscious man.”

 

“Well, she was beautiful, and I...stole a pair of her panties as well.”

 

He turns around and smirks at Stan like it’s no big deal but Stan just stares at him in disbelief, “Jesus!”

 

“What? It’s not like--I mean they were clean and all.”

 

“Don’t tell me this stuff man! I don’t want to hear this shit!”

 

“They were clean.”

 

“What? D-don’t. Stop!”

 

Tomas gives up, “Okay, alright.”

 

“We have work to do man.”

 

Meanwhile back in Root’s memories she’s remembering a night where her and Sam are eating Chinese food and watching TV together.

 

Tomas’ voice still filters through, “There’s more. After we did her, I kind of went to her work and asked her out.”

 

“You what!? Jesus Tomas! Do you have any idea how unethical that is? You stole a girl’s panties.”

 

Stan and Tomas just stare at each other before they break down laughing at each other.

 

And Root is just trying to figure out where the voices are coming from as she moves around her apartment, chopsticks in hand, “There’s someone here. He stole your underwear.”

 

Sam just looks at her and takes another bite of her Chinese food, “I don’t see anyone here.”

 

Root hears the clock ticking loudly and the next minute her chopsticks and food are gone as well as the couch they were sitting on. She hears Sam rummaging around for her jacket, “I’m crawling out of my skin. I should’ve left you at the flea market,” grabbing her jacket she opens the door and slams it behind her. Leaving a sad Root behind in the dark before she’s tossed back to the memory of them earlier at the flea market.

 

“Do you wanna go?”

 

“I want a dog.”

 

Root sighs, “Let’s talk about this later.”

 

“I want a dog.”

 

“I don’t think we’re ready.”

 

Sam just looks at Root disappointed, “You’re not ready.”

 

“Do you really think you can take care of a dog, Sam?”

 

“What?”

 

“I didn’t want to talk about it here.”

 

“What did you say? I can never fucking understand you.”

 

Root leans in and angrily whispers, “I don’t want to talk about it here.”

 

“We’re going to fucking talk about it!”

 

“I don’t want to!”

 

“You can’t just say something like that and not talk about it,” Sam angrily yells at Root as people around them stare, “I can take care of a fucking dog, you can’t Root. You can’t even commit.”

 

Sam’s voice becomes a muffled echo as Root walks away, away from the yelling, away from Sam, away from everything she loves and is afraid of.

 

By now Mary has arrived and glares at Tomas as she walks in through the doorway and over to Stan whom she kisses, he offers her a beer.

 

“You have anything real to drink?”

 

“I don’t know, haven’t really checked.”

 

Tomas brightens, “I’ll look.”

 

Mary stops him, “No, no, I’ll do the honors,” and she goes to rummage through Root’s kitchen.

 

“She hates me. I’ve never had much luck with women.”

 

“Well maybe you should stop stealing their panties.”

 

Mary walks back with two glasses half full of some whiskey and hands one to Stan, “Oh, you didn’t want any did you Tomas?”

 

Stan just shakes his head, “No, he’s fine.”

 

Mary pauses and holds up her hands, “Wait. 'Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders',” and clinks her glass with Stan’s before they both take a sip.

 

“That’s Nietzsche. Beyond Good and Evil. I found it in my Bartlett’s.”

 

Tomas looks confused, “What’s your Bartlett’s?”

 

“It’s a book of quotations, Tomas.”

 

“I think Howard will be in Bartlett’s one day.”

 

Stan nods, “Yeah, Howard is pure Bartlett’s.”

 

They accidentally knock some bottles over and Mary laughs, “Can you wake her up?”

 

“No you can’t wake her up.”

 

But Root’s still in there hearing them and reliving memories of her and Sam unaware of her change of mind about to come.

  
  



End file.
